How do I know that the taper is in full force?
Let’s count the ways, shall we?
- I want to eat everything in sight. Ev-er-y-thing.
- All this extra time I have is making me anxious, irritable, and generally a miserable human being to live with. I call these the Taper Crazies. Sorry, Huz. It’s almost over, I promise.
- I have a gigantic water bottle permanently attached to my hand and compulsively slurp from it like a crazy person.
- My knees, hips, ankles, and even some random point in the middle of an appendage start to “ache,” and I fly off into a melodramatic “I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING and ALL THIS TRAINING WILL GO TO WASTE!!!!” tizzy. It’s those damn Taper Crazies again. They’re sneaky.
- Miss Type A comes out in full force – race day is still 4 days away, and I’ve already laid my outfit, printed out directions to and from the expo, to and from the start line, and figured out 3 different parking plans.
- Also, an alarm is already set on my phone. I don’t even want to utter how early it is.
- I can’t think straight, or even respond to normal requests with any kind of speed or accuracy.
- Thinking about, reading about, or watching anything about a marathon makes me overly emotional and a blubbery mess of tears. Just don’t wear makeup this week. At all. It’s not worth it.
- The Taper Crazies have me doubting my training, my ability, and pretty much everything else about life.
Ignore them, I say to myself. They suck. You are awesome. You will rock this marathon.
And now, gratuitous cuteness, because the Taper Crazies have taken control.