The Taper Crazies

How do I know that the taper is in full force?

Let’s count the ways, shall we?

  1. I want to eat everything in sight. Ev-er-y-thing.
  2. All this extra time I have is making me anxious, irritable, and generally a miserable human being to live with. I call these the Taper Crazies. Sorry, Huz. It’s almost over, I promise.
  3. I have a gigantic water bottle permanently attached to my hand and compulsively slurp from it like a crazy person.
  4. My knees, hips, ankles, and even some random point in the middle of an appendage start to “ache,” and I fly off into a melodramatic “I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING and ALL THIS TRAINING WILL GO TO WASTE!!!!” tizzy. It’s those damn Taper Crazies again. They’re sneaky.
  5. Miss Type A comes out in full force – race day is still 4 days away, and I’ve already laid my outfit, printed out directions to and from the expo, to and from the start line, and figured out 3 different parking plans.
  6. Also, an alarm is already set on my phone. I don’t even want to utter how early it is.
  7. I can’t think straight, or even respond to normal requests with any kind of speed or accuracy.
  8. Thinking about, reading about, or watching anything about a marathon makes me overly emotional and a blubbery mess of tears. Just don’t wear makeup this week. At all. It’s not worth it.
  9. The Taper Crazies have me doubting my training, my ability, and pretty much everything else about life.

Ignore them, I say to myself. They suck. You are awesome. You will rock this marathon.

And now, gratuitous cuteness, because the Taper Crazies have taken control.


3 thoughts on “The Taper Crazies

  1. Pingback: Marathon Week Training Recap |

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